God Shiva

Shivratri is a festival celebrated by the women and men in India to appease the god Shiva.On shivratri generally women keep a fasting for 24 hours and offer prayers at regular intervals to god Shiva.

A VERY HAPPY SHIVRATRI TO ALL

A MUST SEE GUYS..CHECK IT OUT!!

MATRIMONIAL COLUMNS-AN ARRANGED DISASTER..!!

Wanted a fair, beautiful, thin bride preferably working in an MNC for a handsome, dashing man 5’8’’ in height working in an MNC, annual income 10 lakhs, house in Kolkata, only son of parents. Bride should be homely, caring and within 5’3’’ height. If interested contact Mr.Haldar at 09*********.

Quite common isn’t it? Every morning you turn the pages of your newspaper you will find at least one page dedicated to matrimonial. However this page is significant to both the genders in two ways. For the women its just a way for parents to tame their ultra rebellious girl into the ‘’good girl’’ shoes. These girls have had experimented so much with men that after a point of time they themselves put on the good girl image, ’’at least the guy earns 10 lakhs for crying out loud’’..’’at least he has a house of his own’’. That should work if marrying a stranger is counted in. For the men, matrimonial are the perfect way for losers to find their mate. More than often these men have perfectly oiled and combed in a unipolar direction hair. If you are a girl don’t get seduced by his 5’8’’ something height, you have no idea how hard it was on his mother’s side to deliberate horlicks into his diet till his 30’s.It wouldn’t be surprising if his mother offered puja’s for his growth in every sense. The smarter MBA types know how to hide their inabilities in high heeled shoes; after all you have to give them something for having struggled through 2 years. By handsome and dashing they are only referring to the guy who has a surprisingly small belly (which is quite hard to find in 30’s men) and is facially symmetric. This may seem paradise to Indian women who have pretty much accepted the fact that symmetric, normal and smart are three qualities that cannot lie in one Indian man’s body, but don’t get befooled !The picture sent to the prospective lady might be crafty. So behind that suitably pleasing smile may lie a set of hideously discolored disoriented teeth and let’s not even get into the magic of tummy tuckers. So if you aren’t 100% sure that the picture is true map of the original sight, needless I’d say PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. Don’t think that just because most of these men seem ‘’decent’’ they haven’t done those normal guy stuff’s. In fact they have watched and fantasized about nude, hot women so much that even their imaginations begged for mercy. If they have told you that they are ‘’experienced with women’’ they basically refer to the fact that they spent a better part of their lives chasing after women aimlessly but bagged none. Sensing their utter desperation to get laid, the parents play angels and use matrimonials to save their sons lives from utter doom. Girls are smart as they know how to experiment well before marriage and then to go ‘’by protocol’. You would be amazed at the audacity of these families and irony of life. Audacity because even if their sons are the living imprint of Scary Movie Part I they demand for angels from Cinderella Story and irony of what a decent bank balance and a house can give people like them.

Thank the good Indian arranged marriage system which saved the lives of many desperately seeking men and rebellious yet happy women.

This is the sign of change in our country.More stints like this and before you know it we will earn the well deserved title of 'The SuperPower 2020''
And with this we will bomb down the ruppee-dollar bridge ones and for all.

Retail-ly fooled

Today you are the proudest person in the world. As you walk down the road you can feel the hearts burning around you, when people lay their eyes on your brand new jacket. You are a stunner today and nothing can bring you down. As you walk down the road with a smug expression on your face, you stop by a stall to catch a hot dog. Seeing the jealous faces around you, you laugh inwards shouting out ‘’you can’t have this suckers!!Because it’s specially me’’. You reach out into your bag to pay, when you notice a snag, a loose thread out of your jacket. Now that was unexpected. Blame it on the over thread use of factory manufacturing, you simply try to pull out the thread. But to your utter horror, your entire jacket sleeve splits! The ground beneath you shakes. It’s impossible!! You just literally beat up another woman to lay your hands on this piece of beauty and to add to your paradise, it was on a 50% off sale. Wait a minute…………………….did you just say sales???

Yes people if sales is what you purchased your brand new muse from then get ready to donate it to a charity or get it fixed (if you believe in goodwill) or just toss it into the dumps(if you are plain going to hell).Buying a product from a sale is like wearing a pair of stilettos. Paradise at first sight and a nightmare when you slip it on (that is again if you are a chappal public like common people).It’s a risk investment because you never know when it will ditch you and walk out of your life. But the stores make it seem glossy!! not mentioning that the outdated and cheap materials could put a clothing roadside shack to shame but then again we are Indians, we have a panache for anything that is cheap enough to  pay for a complementary roll after a purchase!!While we foolish chickens pout about a wonderful shoe on sale, the store people hide their snide pointy toothed foxy sly  laugh behind a pretty smile  saying ‘’Mam this looks perfect on you!!” on anything you pick up to look. Usually when they say that it plain means” yes go on dummy, be a nice chicken and walk out with that shit, you are doomed from the moment you laid your eyes here”.Why cant they just put up a ‘’buy at your own risk’’ sign somewhere? But the stores play saints as they watch us mere hopeless shopaholics fall into the traps of that dratted word. Just that day I purchased an inc5 sandals so beautiful that when I seized the last 6 size in the rack, the lady next to me almost spat on my face and less than a week into my sandal paradise I found the sole of the shoe and a part of my soul peel away. Recovering from my tragedy, I understood it could be a problem for many Indians today. A sale is like a last money drawing strategy from the junk many wouldn’t touch during its ‘’on’’ season. A term I often refer to ‘’retail fooling’’ i.e. making an otherwise worthless product seem buyable. Even though it’s a hi5 to the marketing and sales department for amazing strategizing it wounds the consumer’s soul to the point of distrust. There victory actually calls for a longtime disaster as you see in the case of so many barren showrooms and stores. Because ultimately a business is all about trust.

So the next time you pick up a something from a sale, make sure to take a keen look into its quality and if it still manages to befool you, then you KNOW  better where to ask  the stores to shove their credit cards.

Indian authors of gen Y……………what were you thinking ? or maybe you weren’t

Before I tell you how good/bad the book was I would really like to know why does everyone in India seem to think that they are capable of writing a book. Just like in 3 Idiots (“Mera beta engineer banega”) do parents now say “mera beta Chetan Bhagat banega” ?

Lets face it everyone cannot be a Bhagat or a Datta. Bhagat with his inimitable style of writing hard hitting yet well etched stories has however let loose a wide array of hopeless wannabes who seem to think that no matter what they did during their first 4 or 3 years of graduation, its worth becoming a book. These young fellas also mention in the what it seems like is the epilogue that everyone has a story. I agree, but what I don’t get is why does it have to be told ?

Right from a certain first love or last love thingie to not again tales these writers seem to know it all. My friends tell me that Ravindra Jain is really good but my bad experiences have scarred me for life. I have been there and read that but Gen y authors or should I say every random college pass out feels he should bring the story of his college to the forefront. What they lack is the basic skill to keep a reader hooked. After the first 2 chapters it’s the same book of a stunningly pretty girl falling for a random and apparently ugly guy. 

Then either she has a big dilemma between 3 more guys or the guy cheats on her. What I dot get is how come each story has a happy ending ? Also are the girls too naïve to accept such douchebags back ?

Thus no matter what they say only a Durjoy Datta can convince me that there might just be a happy ending. As for the rest of you who have put pen to paper and blabbered on mercilessly for n umber of pages about your soppy love story………….think hatke or just THINK for a change.

'Homo'geneous

100 99 98 97 96 95 94 93 92 91 90…………………77 74...oops sorry 76………………………………..4321

This is pretty much the counting game that goes on within our heads when life tests you. A simple and effective anger management strategy, splashed over pschycology books and news paper articles and although the exercise sounds like the ultimatum of a ticking atom bomb, it does help to calm down those who know how to tell the difference between 1 and 2.However women are operationally different. If they can’t splatter outwards they will certainly splatter a lot inside. So just because she is quite about her boyfriend not being on time does not mean that she isn’t cursing him inwards. Just because she ‘’did not mind’’ your criticism about any one of her decisions does not mean she isn’t plotting to bring you down. ‘’Never mind’’ is a very dangerous term used by women often more dangerous than the ticking atom bomb. It’s basically the time every woman buys to find an effective strategy to bring you down and this just does not apply to men. So if you are a female you should not be surprised if your best friend is still resenting a flak you gave her about not having the right arms to wear sleeveless after years. This inward splattering is what we girls commonly code as ‘’bitching’’.

One of the best bitching issues among both males and females is the mates they bag. Its only natures rule that we compare all our possessions with our kind, mates being especially one of the biggest issues. So if you are a guy and you have a sexual devein as your girlfriend, rest assured you are the prime bitched about topic. Men just can’t see other men sitting on the throne of glory. Something they secretly code as ‘’the king of studs’’. However sexual deveins are hard to earn if you aren’t Glad rags Mister India with the bank balance of bill gates. Every woman prefers rich and successful men forgetting that essential detail that rich and successful men can pretty much get any women to striptease for them and when women ‘’discover’’ this issue they cushion their injured egos by calling them ‘’pricks’’. What most women forget is that if we were the queen of queens we could make an income bigger than any billionaire by just exploiting these million dollar men. So while most of these men are medicating their wounded hearts by singing ‘’Why this Kolaveri Di’?’ and drowning themselves in whisky we are happily out shopping for the latest Prada bag. Mind you, women heal faster than men using retail therapy because a smart minded woman knows that anything which does not have a mind of its own will remain with them forever.

The funniest comedy shows are never on television, it’s when a few girls putting the best friends tag on themselves are out to brunch. Mind you of this lot one has to be the most ‘’in’’ and the others are trying desperately to hold onto loose threads. While the usual topics go on and the topic of mates come up, at least one of them will ‘’carelessly’’ show of a photograph of her and her boyfriend adorning the me+ you=forever look on their faces. Secretly these girls are desperately trying to seek approval. When showered with the ‘’Omg!! You guys are so good together!!’’ they relax inwards, feeling relieved that they can remain with their boyfriends for at least another year if not much. What she doesn’t know is that the rest girls are plain laughing inwards at her choice or simply comparing their boyfriend’s status. While most girls are remarkably dumb with math they can shock a 99 percentile er in CAT with their quick mental status calculation. For the slight narrow minded ones caste also plays as status. Dont blame women for that. Its only animalistic instinct that they want to lay the best eggs in the market, and that can’t happen without the best sperms. The same applies for men only in a different context. It’s their animalistic urge to mate, irrespective of whether the female can lay eggs or not as long as the female doesn’t scare their urge away by looking hideous. Quality and content comes later on, or maybe never. Men can live with that. Men are remarkably good at role plays. While they are lions at fighting out their territories they become sweet little kittens in front of attractive women. They tend to take mission impossible too seriously when they brush shoulders with an attractive prospect. I f a guy convinces you that he has ‘’never seen you like that’’. They basically mean that they have bedded you at least a thousand times in their dreams .Don’t blame them, its their hunter instinct after all.

While having stepped into the pschique of bitching, a true color of our evolution splashes out onto the canvas of life. So there you go folks no matter how advanced we get, our instincts will always be primeval. So much for being Homo sapiens.


AYONA